From Hogan's Heroes:

"Traveling is a state of mind. You don't have to go anywhere, you just have to think you do." --Newkirk

"Pizza? You would ask a Frenchman to cook a piece of cardboard with tomato sauce?" --LeBeau

"Permission to fall flat on my face if necessary?" --Schultz

"Why should I do your work when I am here hiding from my work?" --Schultz

"He is so small he could hide in a potato peel!" --Schultz

"For your girlfriends you have flowers; for me, your old socks and underwear!" --Schultz's wife

"It was a far, far better thing I did than...anything else I could do." --Klink

"Well, it takes intelligence to be stupid!" --Carter

"Why is it you can only trust short, dumpy spies?" --Hogan

"Lady, you're pushing me around and we're not even married!" --Hogan

Hogan: "The boys even have a nickname for you, sir; Klink the Fink."
Klink: "Klink the Fink?"
Hogan: "Yes; it stands for Firm Impartial Nazi Kommandant. FINK."

Carter (disguised as Hitler): "I would have won the war a long time ago if it wasn't for my generals! They are ignorant stupid pigs and they know nothing about war! All they do is eat and have good times! I have one general who looks like a stuffed goose, but one day, the goose will hang high by his ears!"
General Burkhalter (the "stuffed goose"): "On second thought, I will see der furher some other time."



Bewitched:

"What is normal to you, young man, is to us asinine." --Endora to Darrin

Samantha: "To err is human, to forgive, divine."
Endora: "Well, when you're up to your ears in error, and you've turned onto one great lump of divine, just remember: Mother warned you."

My Favorite Martian:

"I often quote myself; it usually adds something to the conversation." --Martin

"There are some things that you should explain to people, but you can't explain them, so they're better left unexplained." --Tim O'Hara

"Who needs money? I've got credit cards." --Tim

"When I go bankrupt, I wonder if they'll let me charge it?" --Tim

The A-Team:

"My size? My size is the amount of space I fill up." --Murdock

"One should never have to put gas in a car bye one's self, especially if one is going to a dinner party, for one can never get the smell of gas off one's fingers." --Murdock

Assorted:

"No, you can't have a drink of water now, because if Count Sorensky comes in and bites you in the neck, you'll leak." --O'Rourke (F-Troop)

"Of course we have to shoot and kill and destroy! We represent everything that's wholesome and good in the world!" --Maxwell Smart (Get Smart)

"...And he said, 'You wouldn't pull my leg, would you?' So I said, 'One good turn deserves another; stick it up here and I'll give it a yank!'" --Granny (Beverly Hillbillies)

"If all adults were deaf, there would be more honesty in children." --Felix King (Avonlea)

"So what if I'm not in the Lap of Luxury? I'm happy where I am: On the Bony Knees of Nothing." --Lucy (I Love Lucy)

"It's just like my Aunt Agnes always said: It's better to get a rose from a casual friend than to get a can of succotash from a hoodlum." --Sally (Dick van Dyke Show)

"You men are always using honor as an excuse to act like little boys!" --Ana Maria Verdugo (Disney's Zorro)

"I've got vision and the rest of the world's got bifocals." --Butch Cassidy (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid)

La"Compiler of Quotes"Zorra