> > > Zarn"are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb"iwoop
> >
> > A-HA!
> >
> > Kryten: He is not guilty of mass murder; he is only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. THAT is his crime; it is also his punishment.
> >
> > --
> >
> > Lister: SOUP-er!
> >
> > Nyper"Nyperold: Too bad they replaced it with CHEF!"old
>
> That reminded me of a couple of simply fantastic Red Dwarf quotes:
>
> (Kryten has just arrived on board and is ironing the crew's clothing.)
>
> Lister (on picking up a pair of his boxer shorts): Hey, these can't be mine! These bend!
>
> ---
>
> The Cat (looking into a mirror): How do I look? I look nice!
>
> (a couple of seconds later)
>
> The Cat: How do I look now? I still look nice!
>
> ---
>
> Holly: Which word don't you understand? They're all....dead....Dave.
>
> ---
>
> Holly (during a chess match): Horsey to king prawn.


I'm being egged on by my old tape of 'Tongue Tied'...

From the same sequence as two quotes ago. Holly has just finished every possible permutation of 'They're all dead, Dave'.

Lister: Wait a minute. Are you trying to tell me they're all dead?

Holly: (to himself) Should never have brought him out in the first place.

(Rimmer disappears)

Kryten: Mr Rimmer! They've taken Mr Rimmer!

Cat: Quick, let's get out of here before they bring him back!


Lister: I walk through that door, I get several hundred volts up me jacksie!

Rimmer: Well, Listy, considering what's in store for your jacksie, a couple hundred volts shouldn't be too bad!


Rimmer: Oh, come on, Lister! You know my handshake's less reliable than a plumber's estimate.

(Regarding the Tank)

Rimmer: It's full of people so mad, so mentally ill and unstable that they couldn't get elected President of the United States!


Kochanski: We don't know WHERE we are, WHY we're here or WHAT we're doing. Things ARE back to normal!


Kryten: Mechanoid meets mechanoid, mechanoid loses mechanoid, mechanoid turns into blob, mechanoid gets blob back again. It's an old, old story.


Rimmer: Lister, open a channel to that thing. Broadcast on all known frequencies and all known languages. Including Welsh. (addressing a hostile simulant ship) This is Acting Captain Arnold J. Rimmer of the JMC transport vessel Star Bug. Now hear this, because it's only coming once. We surrender totally and without condition. Oh, additional. Sorry to take up your valuable time. Bye. Sorry. Sorry. Bye. Bye. Sorry.


(they are in a Wild West saloon)

Rimmer: I've seen westerns. I know how to speak cowboy. Leave the talking to me. (he saunters up to the bar) Dry white wine and Perrier please. And what about you two?

Barmaid: What?

Lister: He means three shots of gulpin' whisky, ma'am. Rimmer, what westerns have you seen? Butch Cassidy and the Yuppie Kid?

Zarn"you know you make me tongue-tied"iwoop