Message Forum: Re: Movie-A-Minute for movies I haven't seen.

Re: Movie-A-Minute for movies I haven't seen.

Posted By: Bourne, on host 128.243.220.22
Date: Monday, February 11, 2002, at 09:55:47
In Reply To: Movie-A-Minute for movies I haven't seen. posted by Faux Pas on Sunday, February 10, 2002, at 08:05:30:

Collateral Damage
=================

ARNIE: I am an honest, humble, all-American nice guy with an Austrian accent that is never explained away, or questioned by the audience.

[a great number of things happen, many of which are lifted straight from the movie "Commando"]

BAD GUY: I too have a purpose that adds a slight twist, thus making this movie more than just a remake of "Commando".

ARNIE: Yes, but you aren't the headliner for this show. Plus your mustache is Un-American, not at all like Magnum PI's!

[more Commando things happen and the BAD GUY is defeated. There is a poignant ending, as ARNIE has had to sacrifice his wife and child to drum up audience sympathy]

The Bourne Identity
===================

MATT DAMON: I am....ummmm...Jason Bourne, yeah thats it, Jason Bourne.

[The movie starts with the basic premise of the novel, but diverges heavily to help Matt Damon's career prospects, given that J.B. spends a great deal of the 500-odd page paperback unconscious, shot, or otherwise indisposed to the extent that Mrie St. Jacques is the main character. Matt, however, is unable to act bewildered or heroic, and settles for constipated instead.]

Minority Report
===============

[Tom Cruise mangles scene after scene of action in a movie heavily influenced by The Matrix and Pitch Black, but always vaguely reminiscient of Logans Run. But without Jenny Agutter getting her kit off]

Ocean's Eleven
==============

[Steven Soderbergh makes all of the actors look really cool. They all say funny things except Andy Garcia because he is the antagonist and therefore must be ANGRY ALL THE TIME]

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Message:	> Collateral Damage > ================= > > ARNIE: I am an honest, humble, all-American nice guy with an Austrian accent that is never explained away, or questioned by the audience. > > [a great number of things happen, many of which are lifted straight from the movie "Commando"] > > BAD GUY: I too have a purpose that adds a slight twist, thus making this movie more than just a remake of "Commando". > > ARNIE: Yes, but you aren't the headliner for this show. Plus your mustache is Un-American, not at all like Magnum PI's! > > [more Commando things happen and the BAD GUY is defeated. There is a poignant ending, as ARNIE has had to sacrifice his wife and child to drum up audience sympathy] > > > The Bourne Identity > =================== > > MATT DAMON: I am....ummmm...Jason Bourne, yeah thats it, Jason Bourne. > > [The movie starts with the basic premise of the novel, but diverges heavily to help Matt Damon's career prospects, given that J.B. spends a great deal of the 500-odd page paperback unconscious, shot, or otherwise indisposed to the extent that Mrie St. Jacques is the main character. Matt, however, is unable to act bewildered or heroic, and settles for constipated instead.] > > Minority Report > =============== > > [Tom Cruise mangles scene after scene of action in a movie heavily influenced by The Matrix and Pitch Black, but always vaguely reminiscient of Logans Run. But without Jenny Agutter getting her kit off] > > Ocean's Eleven > ============== > > [Steven Soderbergh makes all of the actors look really cool. They all say funny things except Andy Garcia because he is the antagonist and therefore must be ANGRY ALL THE TIME]
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